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Toggle navigation FORUM BLOG STAND UP AND THRIVE! MEMBERSHIP Sign In T he Hero’s Spouse Hope for marriages in Midlife Crisis You’re shocked from the sudden Bomb Drop and your life is suddenly filled with fear and anxiety. You’re so confused. Your spouse has told you it’s over and they’re certain. They are so outta here! And then maybe they changed their mind or said…maybe we can work it out somedayjust not now. There’s a broken record playing in your head: Why? Why? Why? This just doesn’t make sense. Understanding Midlife Crisis The FREE foundational course to give you answers and clarity into What the he!! Is going on with my spouse!” LEARN MORE Articles Standing Midlife Crisis & Infidelity Mirror-Work Standing Interactions Resource and FAQ Page All Chapters Article List Blog Articles List Communities Private Facebook Group It’s private! Your friends can’t see your posts. Community Forum Journal your story in your own story thread. Meet Forward Moving Spouses like you who understand. Coaching Work with me and I will help you learn and understand Midlife Crisis and infidelity and guide you to the best plan of action for helping you heal and move forward. You’re the expert in what you need; my job is to help you discover your amazing power and expertise. LEARN MORE Additional Support A private membership group for Forward Moving Spouses A compassionate and safe group of men and women experiencing the trauma of losing a spouse to Midlife Crisis. Join us for support in Standing for your marriage or moving forward toward separation and divorce. Stand Up and THRIVE! gives you an understanding, nonjudgmental community for learning about Midlife Crisis, growth and healing. Open for new members every two months. LEARN MORE Understanding Midlife Crisis The FREE foundational course to give you answers and clarity into "What the he!! Is going on with my spouse!" LEARN MORE My Marriage Survived My Husband’s Midlife Crisis I’m a mom of 5, a wife, a coach and a writer. In 2004 I graduated with an MFA in Writingfocusing on writing for children. Four-and-a-half months later... BOMB DROP! I’d just started a new job and we were planning to start a family. I probably don’t need to tell you about the shock, the overwhelming pain and the confusion. My husband, Chuck, moved out in order to pursue a relationship with his soul mate. My response was unexpected. I told him NO when he said he wanted a divorce. I told him that wasn’t how this marriage thing worked and I chose to Stand for my marriage. Follow that with three-and-a-half years of his midlife crisis which included moving home multiple times as he bounced between me and the alienator. But we made it throughTOGETHERand adopted 5 children. Five of the most adorable and huggable children! I’ve been studying and writing about Midlife Crisis in marriage since Bomb Drop in 2005. I started my website in 2008 and my online forum on 2010. READ THIS Learn what is to come in Midlife Crisis! I’ve decided to add this very important message to the home page because I see this coming up DAILY in the communities. Midlife Crisis won’t be over in 2 or 3 months, not 6 months, not 2 years and in most cases, not in 3 years. BUT in the beginning the messages are mixed. You may think you’re the exception because it seems the alienator is gone, or your MLCer said they’ve decided to work on the marriage. They may then do nothing to do that, or they may initially put in effort—even genuine effort sometimes. They don’t understand that this is their identity crisis and that this won’t last! The odds are that this is a short or long vacation from the MLC tunnel and they will return—in a day, week, month or even a year. The Midlife Crisis is not over. If you do not accept the process of MLC and that the crisis is not over, you’ll feel another Bomb Drop when they tell you it’s still not working for them. You’ll return to the devastating shock, pain and anxiety you experienced at Bomb Drop. If you accept and understand MLCincluding the timeline, you can be emotionally prepared and not feel as though it’s another Bomb Drop. Though you’ll still feel sad, emotionally drained, disappointed, you can avoid the shock and sense of utter devastation. In some cases, they are fully yanked out of the front of the MLC tunnel and will return years later (ex. 10 years)—this is when I consider it to be a second crisis with its own Bomb Drop. They will have a full and worse Midlife Crisis after this type of years-long hiatus. Please take this seriously because I’m not kidding. MLC is not going to be resolved in a couple weeks, months or even years. Frequently Asked Questions What stage is my MLCer in? If your Bomb Drop was yesterday your MLCer is in Escape & Avoid. If your Bomb Drop was 6 months ago, your MLCer is in Escape & Avoid. If your Bomb Drop was a year ago, your MLCer is in Escape & Avoid. If your Bomb Drop was 18 months ago, your MLCer is in Escape & Avoid. If your Bomb Drop was 2 years ago your MLCer is probably in Escape & Avoid. Escape & Avoid has two energy types, High-Energy Replay or Low-Energy Wallower; most MLCers are High-Energy. Regardless of energy type, they are in this early stage from Bomb Drop through the first few years and this stage may or may not last many more years, but for up to the first two years after Bomb Drop I can guess they are in Escape & Avoid without knowing the specifics of your situation. I review the basics about Midlife Crisis, including the stages, in my FREE course Understanding Midlife Crisis . Does anyone every return—do marriages reconcile? Yes, mine did. Here is My Story . We also have a Reconciliation Thread at the forum and you can find stories in the process of reconciliation by reading the threads with purple story book icons. There are not a lot of purple threads, as many leave the forum and focus on their marriage at home instead of posting, so there is no way to know the statistical odds of reconciliation and there is no guarantee that your marriage will or will not survive. What do I do about contact? Should I kick out my MLCer or tell them to stop coming to the house...? Should I go No Contact? NO! Please understand, I am answering this for Standers who are in the beginning years of their spouses midlife crisis. If you are Standing for your marriage, beware of No Contact; contact is vitally important. Do not kick your MLCer out if you are able to handle the situation. The first days weeks and months after Bomb Drop are important for Paving the Way. No Contact is an advanced tool, for now learn about Dim and Dark. Do not initiate contact with your MLCer, but do not cut them off either. Follow their lead. How long does Midlife Crisis last? MLC ranges from 3 to upwards of 7 years, but that is not an average, rather it seems weighted toward the longer-term of 5 – 7 years and it may last more than 7 years. Reconnecting may begin as early as two years in rare cases, but Reconnection is not the end of MLC, rather it may be the beginning of the end.Should I tell my spouse about MLC or this website? I think the information could help them understand and change. NO! MLCers do not want to hear about MLC and will deny it—even those who initially use it as an excuse for their actions. Should I tell my spouse about MLC or this website? I think the information could help them understand and change. NO! MLCers do not want to hear about MLC and will deny it—even those who initially use it as an excuse for their actions. Can I still Stand if I am already divorced or get divorced? Yes. Standing is your choice. 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